A friend of mine posted a link on my page… which is totally worth viewing… tears literally fell from my eyes…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elana-miller-md/love-is-holy-shit-i-have-_b_4512572.html

I wanted to create my own “Love Is… ” I’m going to start from the beginning… bare with me…

Love is… this girl named Jennifer who so amazingly listened when I asked her if I could send her a photo of my breast, I really wanted to get an appt to see what these changes were in my breast… and she got me at 2:30 that day.

Love is… being in the ER, bawling my eyes out… because I was so worried… I actually had an upper respiratory infection… I was scared it had spread to my lungs… and the nurse asking me if someone could come and be with me…. I called my Mom.

Love is.. having a personal connection on my Facebook page to my family doctor.. and anytime I have a major concern, she’s there to help….

Love is… Finding out you have cancer and your husband who works 30+ minutes or more is there in 10 minutes to hold me and cry with me…

Love is… My entire family coming with me to my MRI appt to support me…

Love is… people who were complete strangers… becoming friends…

Love is… so many of my amazing brides… worried more about me than their wedding…. and so completely trusting in us….

Love is… Every little pain I feel, mentioning it…. and my family & friends listening and being empathetic… distinguishing what needs to be a concern and what doesn’t…. it really sucks worrying that every little thing can be something that could kill you….

Love is… a friend going with you to cut your hair off…. and donating her hair to Locks Of Love in your honor… and another friend having her long locks cut off and hand delivering it so you can have a wig made…

Love is… That one person, who makes it her personal mission to help our family…. Diane Esposito, even my best friend said… I’m so grateful for Diane, because there is no way I could help you like she has helped you….

Love is… An entire community of wedding professionals coming together to help me through this…

Love is.. My husband’s employer and the employees… giving us countless gift cards and certificates for dinners, etc… and for allowing my husband to be with me at my appts…

Love is… my stepdaughter making me feel so beautiful with such beautiful photos…

Love is… a good friend coming to sit with you at chemo… and bring you lunch…

Love is… Calls, texts and personal messages with offers to help me drive to chemo, stay with me at chemo…

Love is… My BFF coming from Nashville to be here to visit and be here for my fundraiser…. and come along to chemo…

Love is…every single day receiving a card or something in the mail to let me know that I’m being thought of…

Love is… My Mom making me meals that I can eat, coming to help me every day with Greyson, laundry… whatever she possibly can help me with…

Love is… My Dad not knowing how to handle this… seeing his little girl so sick…

Love is… A photog, I’ve never met… wanting to give me a day of glam… and telling me she’s got everything covered…

Love is… My boys bringing their friends over… and acting like nothing is different… despite not having hair

Love is… People telling me how beautiful I am without hair… even though I don’t feel very beautiful…

Love is… Sharon bringing me water every couple days to make sure I’m keeping my body alkaline… helping me shave my head…

Love is… My husband making sure I’m all set before he leaves for work… bringing Greyson downstairs and planting us until my Mom or someone can come…

Love is… Meals and desserts and amazing things being prepared and delivered so I don’t have to cook for my family…

Love is…. photographers offering their services for free so we can keep the proceeds….

Love is… relentless, amazing people surrounding me… making sure I feel not only loved but adored…. constantly….

Love is… feeling so amazingly blessed, despite having this horrible disease….

Love is… fighting for your life and changing everything about your life… so that you can be here for your family….

Love is… an amazing man who’s only heard of your story… creates a custom pair of shoes, spending countless hours to customize them for me….

Love is.. your friends coming to surprise you with those shoes… and a meal!

Love is… people donating countless things that I’m unaware of… but only told how generous…. so that people can help us during this journey…

Love is… my little boy rubbing my head and holding my face so sweetly and telling me I love you Mom….

Love is… being told I have an amazing job waiting for me whenever I’m ready…..

Love is… someone calling to tell me they are coming over to clean or have my house cleaned…

Love is… when your friend tells you she’s stopping over to see you for a minute… asks you for the keys to the studio and said you are not spending the last day before chemo cleaning your studio….

Love is… amazing…

I’m sure I missed a ton, I’ll probably think about it and add to this list….

2 days til my next chemo…. I think I’m more nervous this time to go… than the first time. It wasn’t even as bad as I thought it would be…. but, I’ve had all these wonky things happen…. and yesterday I was diagnosed with a UTI… my family doctor got me in immediately, she put me in a secluded room and treated me very aggressively… to make sure I can have my next treatment… She thought maybe the UTI is causing my puffy eyes….

These puffy eyes have me bewildered…. in the mornings when I wake up, the underneath pads of my eyes… literally look like I have blisters…. and the skin around them is so wrinkly…. I don’t know what it is and it’s bothering me. For me… it’s typically and indication that something is really wrong with my body… and I’m very sick. Duh…. But, something else. I pray it isn’t like this all of chemo. It just happened Saturday….I’m not rid of this infection so maybe that is it…

I’m sure guys read my blog, so I apologize…. these are just the facts of life…. The other thing, it could be… is I got my period…. which typically chemo halts your period… I got my period Friday… and it’s still lingering… My doctor said today it will probably be my last period… so maybe that’s part of it? I am honestly not sure. I hope Thursday before they start chemo that they do another blood culture….

Another thing that’s happening is I’ve had a pain in my leg blow the crease in my left knee and today I’m supposed to go in for ultrasound to make sure it’s not a blood clot. I sat at my desk all day working yesterday…. for a longer than usual period of time. I’m really feeling the pressure of this next chemo and hoped to have so much more done… I pray my clients understand…. Anyway, I’m supposed to go for ultrasound… It’s probably nothing, but they told me that both cancer & chemo can cause blood clots….

So, 2 days til chemo…. I’m dreading feeling that low… I really am. I’m dreading looking sickly…. I’m really looking unwell, I feel… Everyone keeps telling me how great I look bald…. I’m just not feeling it. Since my hair has fallen out completely, people really look at me with pity. People I know and people I don’t know…. All hats other than cotton things bother my head… so yesterday, I just work my pink bandana…. Usually, if I’m wearing a hoodie… the hoodie goes up…. The cold on the back of my neck is the worst feeling…. besides my head so the hoodie really helps it all… I look like Joe Boxer… with really puffy eyes… lol

I’ve been drinking tons of Kangen water…. 

Doc office just called and said the ultrasound tech wants to see me right away… waiting for my Mom… then we’re off to the hospital…

I’ve had some weird new side effects from the chemo… which apparently are common…. I’ve had really teary eyes and stuffy/runny nose…. It’s not at all attractive. My eyes are super puffy. It’s not my best look… My eyes are usually an indicator of when I’m really sick… I can only remember a few times in my life when I’ve had such puffy eyes like I do right now…. Before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism they were super puffy… and when I was 17 I had mono… and I had this look… I’ll be curious what my blood levels are on Thursday because something just doesn’t feel right, not quite sure what it is…. I hate it because besides my bald head…. now I have this and it’s really making me really down… I’ve been really tired again too… which is odd, because I had like a streak of days that I’ve been super ready and raring to go, maybe I overdid it…. I’ve been taking Claritin which does help some…. I can only work in limited amounts in front of the computer because it seems to aggravate it… Some of these side effects people say don’t go away after chemo stops…. Lord almighty… please…. I pray this goes away….

We’ve been invited to several functions coming up… and I think I’m going to stay tucked in…. not feeling my best these days… plus so many are getting the flu and I did not get the flu shot, so I really need to reduce my risk…. 

Other than that… not much new to report…

I have Pandora on this morning, trying to finish up a wedding… ❤

It’s literally been such a LONG time that I’ve had a girls day…. literally, I can’t remember…. maybe last year when my BFF was here from Nashville…. it’s been wayyyy tooooo long!!!! So, today… my last chance before next week’s chemo… we decided to go accessory shopping… I got a pair of earrings, a hat and a shawl…. all in winter white… very cute!

We had a ton of fun and I thought I’d post some of the highlights…These are not in order…. But, we started the day at the Asian Market in Stallings… we were told to go there and check out the fresh fish… holy smokes! There were literally live frogs, live crabs, fish.. it was amazing to see… Can’t wait to take Greyson back!

Then we went and did some shopping… had a blast at the Hallmark store… Diane bought me these charms to add to my bracelet that Bri bought me…. so adorable! Then we had a potato and some veggies at Texas Roadhouse… and some Starbucks….

We finished the day with a tour of Diane & Vinny’s beautiful office…

Perfect day!!! Much needed… ❤

I’m going to go backwards a bit…. but just want to talk a bit about the little things in life…. that mean SO much. This photo was taken yesterday by my daughter Bri while we were in the back seat… Greyson just randomly started touching my head…. it was so sweet. I posted it to Facebook and got so many likes and comments on it… It is pure emotion, love and adoration… What a sweetheart….

Then I wanted to talk a bit about my experience at Starbucks the other day…. I walked in, with my shaved head…. and went to use my $25 gift card that the Woods family bought…. and wanted to treat Bri to a coffee…. So I went to the counter and this man said… Ladies first…. and then he said “Nice haircut”…. it was very sweet…. So I order and I’m standing there, waiting in line….to get my drinks…. and he comes up to me and says…. “Those danishes are the best. I’d love to buy you one…. please let me buy it for you.”  He knew I was married, he commented about my husband…So, I let him…. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, I am not eating that kind of stuff…. so I let Brianna eat it… well neither of us really ate it…. but it was just a kind gesture…. so I asked him if I could take his picture…. I’m sure he totally took it the wrong way because he made a point to come back into Starbucks and give me his card…. lol This bald thing has been interesting!

I am so glad that Brianna and I got those photos the other day… because today it’s exactly 2 weeks since chemo…. which means it’s 1 week til the next…. BOOO!!! But last night while washing my face…. I noticed my hairs were coming out…. I cried. I took the photo…. and cried some more…. I know it’s going to happen. I know it’s inevitable….. but it didn’t pain me any less to see it… I know that once I lose my hair and it appears my eyebrows for now….. that I will appear sick. Not that it really changes anything…. but, once people have the shiny head look…. and no brows, people know. Even now people look at me…. even when I wear a hat.. I know it probably seems silly…. but, although I’m trying to be strong, I’m trying to be brave….. it sucks. It really, really sucks. So I had my cry…. fell asleep and now I’ll blog.  I apologize for the toilet in the photo…

And, then there’s something else I’d love to chat about…. 7 years ago today…. I was trolling on Match.com and this persistent guy…. messaged me.  He had an interest in photography… hey he couldn’t be so bad! He told me that he had just been to see his daughter and it was her wish that he’d meet someone….. Well he did. Darrell and I chatted on the phone for hours…. and we met the next day….. and the rest is history…. 🙂 Happy 7 crazy, unforgettable years…. babe! 🙂

Enjoy your time with family & friends today…. Love & Hugs…

Over these past weeks… being told you have cancer, you cry… a lot! You get angry… you find acceptance…. and then you make a decision that you can’t change it and so you might as well make the best of it…. I cut my hair off and then I buzzed it off…. all of these changes, felt empowering… but I can’t truly say that I’ve felt gorgeous or beautiful through it all…. and going through chemo…. you feel less than beautiful for sure….

Yesterday I had my head shaved in an effort to show cancer that it doesn’t control me…. I will control my life … and cancer will not control me….

My daughter is in town and she is seriously the most amazing photographer… 17 years old and she has the most amazing, booming business…. I’d like to take credit for her talent, but she’s not related by blood… but by marriage…. Since her father is an amazing photographer as well, he gets all of the credit….  She hasn’t even graduated high school…. She also did my makeup and I did not guide or instruct her on these photos…. or edit them… this is entirely HER talent….

Today, Brianna… you made me feel gorgeous…. and I love you so incredibly much… and I’m so thankful to have you in my life… Thank you for these beautiful photos… plus the beautiful video that you made for me….. You inspire me…. thank you for my shining moment….

Every single day it seems there are some amazing things happening… monumental things! I have several people I NEED to thank….

Today… my day began when I stopped in at Total Tranquility Salon in Indian Trail and Sharon had modified my wig that I bought, styled it and she highlighted it…. It’s gorgeous… I was so thrilled to see it…

Then later that day, she shaved my head for me…. and this was really a way for me to empower myself and show cancer that it will not determine my hairs final time. I did.

Shortly after my appointment… Diane Esposito came over… with Tillie Bonney – Kerna with my shoes… they were slightly small so they were stretched to fit me… ❤ I have some photos of them on my feet and they are absolutely stunning (minus my lack of pedicure)… I need to thank Marc Defang New York for these amazing shoes…. I LOVE THEM!!!! Marc also arranged for me to have another gorgeous wig which I absolutely love!!!  and Tillie took some photo photos that I’ll share with you…. His best friend Alfred Wong from Hong Kong.. the largest wig manufacturer in Hong Kong…. sent me this amazing wig…. 

I am so grateful to all of you for making yet another day so incredibly special…. NOT to mention all of the love and support shown to me with my new bald head… I’m truly overwhelmed… and if I do say so myself…. I can pull it off!!! I’m amazed…. it’s strange feeling but…. it’s truly not the end of the world after all….

I love you all VERY much…even those I’ve not met….

Many, many thanks!!!!