I’ve talked a lot about my friends…. and how my friends have rallied by my side… What I’d love to talk about today is FAMILY….

Almost 12 years ago… I moved to North Carolina from Wisconsin and left a lot of family in Wisconsin. My father is one of 13 children…. My Mom is one of 5 children…. So needless to say… I have A LOT of family. I haven’t seen much of my family for many, many years…. This past year I was able to see some of them while we visited…. Facebook is amazing because it’s allowed me to re-connect with many of my cousins, aunts and uncles….. It’s a way of staying in touch and connected without physically having to be there…. My Mom’s side of the family is a bit more contained…. it’s easier to keep track of who’s who….. My father’s side of the family on the other hand….. it’s like a spider web of people procreating and growing and I sadly don’t even know all of my family anymore!!!! I’ve always said… I have dozens and dozens of cousins…..

While growing up, my cousins were truly my friends…. we always hung out together…. our family gatherings were large and loud! A  lot of beer drinking and singing….. It was a lot like a Hank Williams “Family Tradition”… as a matter of fact that was the family anthem…. and it was sung loud and proud at every gathering….. Gosh, I miss it! A lot of great memories…..

Growing up, I’d sing… alongside my Dad and my uncles…. and now cousins…. Singing and good ol’ country music runs deep within our blood….. And rednecks don’t only reside in the south…. 🙂 It’s a truly amazing family dynamic!

What’s amazing to me…. is despite years and distance (Wisconsin, Arkansas, North Carolina & Alabama)…. my family came together in a way for me that I just honestly never expected….  I’m going to TRY so hard to make it up to Wisconsin this year, so I can hug each and every one of you personally…..Thank you so much!

There are a lot of boys and less girls in my Dad’s family… but the girls stick together like glue…. I’ve mentioned my Aunt Patty before…. she suffered a few years ago from the exact same type of breast cancer that I have…. and she has been such an amazing source of support for me during this time…. When you have had cancer… it’s amazing – the bond you share…

I just want you all to know just how much I love you all and I miss you terribly…. and can’t wait to see you all very soon!

My Mom’s family is a lot more quaint… My grandmother is still alive is is 94 years old… and as sharp as a tack! I was able to see her last summer.. She calls my Mom all the time to check on me to see how I’m doing….. There are 5 kids total… Several of my aunts and cousins and I are able to keep touch on Facebook which is so amazing…. It’s amazing the older I’ve gotten, my personality, loyalty, etc…. comes from my Dad’s side of the family… but my appearance, etc…. is so much like my Mom’s side of the family….. I love you all so much and so appreciate all the love and support and encouragement…. it means so much to me!

I’ve talked some about my Mom & Dad…. watching me go through cancer… has been one of the hardest things for them to watch….. I’ve always been a pretty resilient kid…. Ahhh, I still am!!! 🙂 My Dad is a strong man who fixes…. and this is something he cannot fix… and I know it’s hard for him. My Mom… is nurturing and amazing…. truly a kind, amazing person…. I know that they are so proud of me… watching me battle this! I look forward to the day…. when it will be me taking care of them!!!

I have two brothers…. Dean and Dan…. I know this is killing them as well….. My brother Dean said, it’s just too hard to watch sometimes….. I totally get it….. Even though I have cancer…. I still can’t believe it. I’m going through chemo…. I’m going through all of this… but I still can’t believe it’s real…. I say it ALL the time!!! Both of my brothers…. were off doing their teenage things…. when I was growing up…. fast cars and girls…. 🙂 There is an 8 an 10 year difference between us…. so hanging out with the sis’ was not exactly their ideal idea of a way to spend the day….. ❤ But… we had our moments…. our very special moments and memories and a bond…. that is amazing. Again… I thank Facebook for a way to peek into their lives… see their kids grow… and feel a part of the family….  And…. I’ll talk about my kids in another post…. this is getting way too long….. ❤ ❤

It’s so important to reflect upon your family, tell them how much you love them… OFTEN. Our days are not promised….

I’ve never been known not to do something… and not give it everything that I have within me to give… Whether that’s being a mother, a photographer,  a wife, a daughter and a friend…. Once I decide that you are worthy of my heart, I give you my all…. I have decided to give myself the same worthiness…. for all of the above mentioned reasons…

When I found out I had cancer on November 14, 2013… my world literally felt like it would crumble in a million pieces. You do not know what to expect… You think of Cancer and you think of the very worst possible outcome. We discussed them actually…. There is this waiting period where you just don’t have the answers and your mind escapes you…. Once you have the answers you need to fight and cope with the news you were just devastated with it gives you the tools you need to fight… to regain perspective and to pull back those reigns and realize…. Ok, I can do this! 

I’m still very deep within my treatment… I’ve completed 5 out of 6 total Chemo treatments of TAC. It’s certainly not been easy…. but it’s not been horrific either… It’s tolerable. It’s like getting a really bad flu every few weeks… but you come out of it and you feel accomplished. You managed to get through another one and you have a reason to be proud. I still have quite a long road ahead of me…. I have a double mastectomy planned… I have 6 weeks of radiation ahead of me… and then quite a long recovery period before I can start rebuilding what I’ve painfully fought so hard to fight….

I’m the type of person that when I go into whatever project I’m doing… whatever life passion…. whatever, literally I have set in front of me…. I give it 125%. I’m not going to do something with half effort…. The same has gone for my health. When you read about breast cancer, the ways it spreads… etc… It can be very, very scary… I’ve scared myself quite a few times…. You learn of the bad outcomes but then you realize…. there are a heck of a lot more positive outcomes than the bad ones…. And you’ll hear it over and over and over and over….. Have a positive attitude… There are the people who are diagnosed with cancer and they instantly think they are given a life sentence… and then there are the people who take the information, empower themselves with knowledge and take every possible resource and use it to their advantage…. I would say that this is the route I have taken on this journey.

There are a million different things that people will come to you with to help you to fight this disease… and you need to find the ones that are doable for you…. and use those things. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs what I have done and I’ll outline briefly some of the things I have done in my daily diet to help me…. 1. Cut out sugar 2. Cut out red meat and pork 3. Drink alkaline water 4. Eat an alkaline diet… 5. Eat a gluten free diet (Cancer has been known to to thrive in a sugar fed body and an acidic body and by feeding it these things, which my diet was extremely rich in before… I’m preventing the cancer from growing and possibly even killing the cancer).

• It’s so important to have a sense of humor and laugh at yourself…
• Find blessings in the smallest of things…
• Find out who your friends are…and cling to them because they will help you rise above all of this…
• Regain perspective – the things that seemed so important before, suddenly…. are not important at all. (Don’t sweat the small things)
• Enrich your relationships… take the time to say the things to the people you love, take the time to hug them….Do not hold back…
• The changes your body will undergo are startling sometimes…. Some of the things I have experienced from chemo… besides the hair loss, extremely dry skin, watery eyes… rashes, wrinkles…. But, I’ve decided rather than to dwell on them…. I’ve decided to embrace them. I don’t hide my head unless it’s cold…. This is not something to be embarrassed of… it’s a part of my life right now and it’s a part that will eventually be in my past…
• Look forward to our future…. Make a list of 10 things you want to do and make sure you can make them attainable… and do them… I created my living bucket list…. It really gives you something to look forward to….
• And once I regain my strength…. EXERCISE!!!!

I have decided to love me, accept me with all my heart… just as I have done for the others in my life…. because it’s as important for me to be here for them… and I am fighting… so incredibly hard and will continue to fight this nasty disease…

They told me that my type of cancer may be affected by about 10% with chemo… and ultimately surgery and Tamoxifen would be the savior for the type of cancer I have….. I’m ER+/PR+/HER2- IDC, ILC – Stage 3A My tumor was once 6cm…. and I can still feel it, but it’s shrunk measurably… My oncologist is THRILLED at the result…. he’s giving all the praise and glory to chemo!

Not me…. Do I think chemo has helped… absolutely! But, I think that loving myself with all my heart and being so disciplined to do all the things above…. is ultimately as a package helping me succeed!

This chemo has been brutal on me with nausea…I’ve been flip flopping my meds to stay somewhat free of nausea… I’ve lost a total of 25lbs now… I will regain some before the next one, that’s typically how it goes… but today, I’m feeling exceptionally “light”… I eat and sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes it worse… so I’ve been trying to stay very hydrated with my alkaline water. I’ve been pretty sleepy as well from the meds… so I’ve just been taking time to recoup…

I’m in the home stretch… I know I can make it… just one more time of this…so not a lot of complaints, it is what it is…. This too shall pass! 🙂

I think other than the nausea, my body is adjusting to the side effects… the taste in my mouth is not as bad as usual…. and I feel like I’m up and around more than usual… My bestie sent me a card yesterday…. and she said something that I was proud of…. She said “I can’t even imagine how hard this has been on you and you’ve handled it all so well… So well, that I think sometimes people forget what a difficult, exhausting, horrible process this is! ” I really feel like for being on one of the hardest regimens of chemo… that I’ve handled it like a champ… That is something to be proud of… Now I can sail through surgery…. and regain my strength…. I certainly feel like I need to re-strengthen my body, I’ve lost core strength and simple things like opening cans are harder for me… all of those things will come back in time…. and hopefully I’ll be stronger than ever!

It’s a beautiful sun shiny day…. and I plan to sit in it for awhile, when my hubs comes home from golfing…. Missing him today… ❤ Enjoy your Sunday!

Today I tackled my 5th chemo… My friend Juliet took me and she hung out with me and brought me home today… I have ONE MORE TO GO!!!!!  Thank you Juliet for hanging with me all day!!! March 26th I will have completed chemo. My surgery is scheduled for April 17th…

I have had a lot of people ask me why I can’t continue photographing weddings… Due to the long hours and the repeated motion… and the weight of the cameras – that puts me at a risk of developing lymphedema. I have a friend who just had her bilateral mastectomy (both breasts) and she is already developing lymphedema. For 3 years, she told me I need to be extremely careful with lifting, repetitive motion, etc. Lympedema occurs when your lymph nodes are removed… I am not sure how many lymph nodes will be removed at this time… that will depend on a test that they will do while I’m going through my surgery. She said it’s a blue dye test… and if there is cancer present, it will show up… they continue to test the lymph nodes going in… and they take 3-4 more past the last cancerous one… so it’s entirely dependent on how many have cancer…. the more removed, the higher the risk. There are different degrees… but it can be debilitating… Here are some examples…

There are varying degrees of what it can be like.. not everyone gets it, it’s dependent on the person…. but it can be debilitating and it can cause you to have pain and it can be disabling… My surgical oncologist is trying to prevent this at all costs…. Lymphedema does not go away once you have it, from my understanding….

The other thing that you can get is cording… and I’d like to thank Ann Marie from https://www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer?ref=br_tf (Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer) for making us aware of another potential problem called Cording… Ann Marie has developed cording and will require physical therapy to help her heal from this… and this is Ann Marie’s photo of her arm that has developed cording…

I’m extremely proud of myself and how far I’ve come… My doctor is extremely pleased with my result from chemo… he told us today that he did not expect that type of result from chemo with the type of breast cancer that I have…. and I contribute a lot of this success to MY DIET!!! My doctor is a cynic when it comes to this theory…. but I was talking to my best friend yesterday… The main causes of breast cancer are…

1. STRESS

2. DIET

3. LACK OF EXERCISE

I plan to dramatically change all of these things… my chance for occurrence is quite high in my opinion…. so I do plan to change all 3 of these things… I’ve got the diet down… I’m working on the stress… and I will be implementing exercise in full force when I’m done with chemo… I want to run… so if you feel tremors in Charlotte, you’ll know… Dawn started running 🙂

Love you all!

My friend Mike Albert from Charlotte Video Ventures/Charlotte Range Masters along with Elite Training Academy and Lynn Ellison Bovidge, put together an amazing fundraiser that was right up their alley… Mike is former SWAT team from Pittsburgh and to say the least he is highly trained in firearms…They had a lot of people come out and support this event, it was extremely successful… every pun intended… they definitely hit their target!! It was a lot of fun! So many great vendors came out to support… I am so thankful to all of these people who supported me and participated…. It was so nice to meet several people that I’ve come to know… and I was so happy to see several of the industry friends who came out, as well… Thank you.

I felt great yesterday… despite my typical runny nose and watery eyes…. I was excited to attend! It was a gorgeous day outside… and I was shocked when I pulled in and the cars were pouring in…. When I went inside I knew maybe 10 people total…. the rest were complete strangers. Amazing…

Pizza, soda, water, candy, chips and cupcakes were served. It was simple and no fuss, no muss…. Perfect. They made T-shirts that people could order and I was so excited when I checked my Facebook yesterday and my cousin and his wife were wearing the T-Shirts… back home in Wisconsin! So neat!!!

Thank you sooooo very much to Mike Albert, his wife… Lynn Ellison Bovidge, the staff and vendors – thank you to my friends and brides and grooms (past and future) who came out to support me yesterday! One of my brides Mom’s won one of the door prizes… and one of my future grooms won THREE prizes!!!!

They asked me if I wanted to shoot… heck, why not…. I did amazingly well! Every single shot except the first one before I was prepped on how to handle a gun was…. ON TARGET! 🙂 I was quite proud of myself! It was a lot of fun…

Thank you to all of the people who spread the word for this event… I hope you realize just how truly grateful I am for the amazing show of love and support!!!! I am moving forward and focusing on exactly what I need to focus on…. staying positive, staying stress free and fighting this disease. I have good days and bad days…. I don’t photograph the bad days, so what you see are most likely the great days!! Yesterday was not just a great day, but an amazing day. I’m truly so thankful and humbled by the love and support and I truly, truly mean that!!!

Many thanks to:

Donation of Services

Elite Training Academy – 2811 Chamber Dr, Monroe, NC 280110 – Charlotte Range Masters – www.elitetrainingacademync.com/

Chris Bollinger – Bollinger Images – http://bollingerimages.com/

Rick Hyburg – Audio To Go –  http://atgdj.com/

Dayna Robidoux – Carolina Cake Artistry – http://www.carolinacakeartistry.com/

Hungry Howies Pizza – Indian Trail – http://www.hungryhowies.com/store/hungry-howies-623

Donation of Prizes

Juliet Harless – Juliet Photography – http://www.julietphotography.com/

Gotcha Studios – Frank Ramos – http://www.gotcha-studios.com/

Rose Sunkten – Rose Sunkten Art – https://www.facebook.com/RoseSuntken

Serenity Hair Spa- https://www.serenityhairspa16131.com

Take Aim Training – http://takeaimtrainingrange.wildapricot.org/

Charlotte Motor Speedway – www.charlottemotorspeedway.com

Comedy Zone – http://www.cltcomedyzone.com/‎

Ken Thomas Photography – http://www.kenthomasphotography.com/

Firethorne Country Club – http://www.firethornecountryclub.com/

Bello Trove  Hand Crafted Candles & Soaps – http://www.bellotrove.com

Charlotte Checkers – http://www.gocheckers.com/

Stevens Mill Photography – http://www.stevenmillsphotography.com/

Queen City K9 – http://www.qck9.com

Ellet Brothers – www.Ellett.com

Gander Mountain Monroe – http://www.gandermountain.com/

510 Expert Tattoos – www.510experttattoo.com/‎

Thank you so much for all of those who love me, know me and are supporting me through one of the hardest times in my life. You all make it so much easier for me! I’m so grateful for you all! Wednesday I have chemo…. after that I have ONE MORE LEFT!!!!!!!! I can’t wait to celebrate the completion of chemo!!!

Much LOVE!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

So, I met with Dr. H for the lump today…. she will order an ultrasound to make sure there is nothing going on…. She thinks it would be extremely unlikely that 1. another cancer would develop during chemo 2. if it was a new lump that it would probably be the same type of cancer… not a new one. If it were a new one, it would be extremely rare. I couldn’t be scheduled for ultrasound today, so most likely next week I will know. If it were a new lump… she doesn’t think they’d do anything different as I suspected…. she said they could biopsy it to know for sure. But, does it make sense to put me through another procedure when they’re doing the mastectomy anyway? She doesn’t know the answer to that. She would probably consult with all my other doctors and come up with an answer… she doesn’t feel like it makes sense.

I got some other answers today… she said I will need radiation, according to my radiation oncologist… purely due to the size of the tumor (6cm) and the positive sentinel lymph node. This sucks for so many reasons… but…. overall, my survival is the number one goal. If it helps.. it’s worth it. Secondly, the radiation oncologist also told her he feels she should do a complete axillary dissection of my lymph nodes… He’s an older doctor… and much more conservative. Dr. H is younger and more liberal in her views…. so ultimately it’s up to her during surgery… But, I have mixed feelings… removing all of the lymph nodes means a higher occurrence of lymphedema…. but it also means we’d be 100% sure the cancer would be gone…. and to me, I never want to have to go through this EVER again in my lifetime…. so, I tend to agree with the radiation oncologist on this one. Ultimately, I trust her… but this is another wrench… she may not be able to do my surgery. She is VERY pregnant and she may not be the doctor that performs my surgery. Dr. Flippo would be the other surgeon… I have heard amazing things about Dr. Flippo as well… but I just love Dr. Hazikadic! I sent her an email today with these concerns… so hopefully, we can all be on the same page… at the time of surgery.

So… now my plastics consult this morning. Dr. Clavin is a young, attractive doctor…. and I had to stand in front of him completely buck naked…. I don’t even stand completely buck naked in front of my husband… so to do this, was extremely humbling…. to say the least! OY VEY! He was extremely nice and I feel completely comfortable with his experience…. So, we talked about options… It looks like Radiation is in the plan… so that basically removes the option of implants… and leaves a Flap Procedure of some sort… which is where they take my skin from somewhere on the body…. My stomach is probably not a good option, he said I may have enough for one breast and that won’t help us any, I need enough for two- my tummy is pretty flat… I’m your typical A shaped lady… very little fat on the top of my body…. and more on the bottom half… which is most likely where they’ll go for the skin and fat…. So, that leaves two options… my butt (I have plenty) or my thighs… which I think I also have plenty…. There is a procedure called PAP Gap that is fairly new that he said they’d consider….

He gave me some hope… He may put expanders in at the time of my surgery… despite radiation, he said expanders aren’t affected by radiation… which means I would NOT be flat chested…. He said they’d inflate them very quickly probably within 1 month… but what this would do is stretch the skin… so maybe they wouldn’t have to take so much skin, but they’d take more fat….

My mastectomy is probably 5-6 hours and a 1 day overnight stay unless there are complications that would merit me staying longer…. I was confused… it’s the reconstruction surgery that will take much longer… up to 15 hours and 4-5 days recovery in the hospital…

So, overall… I’m feeling pretty good about everything…. I am not too concerned with this new area… she couldn’t feel it like I can… She wants to check it to make sure…. but most likely the course won’t change… 1.5 months away from surgery…. so, we’ll have many more answers at that time… ❤

I’ve found another lump on my right side… My cancer is on the left. You may recall, the MRI found some areas of concern and we talked about going into surgery to biopsy, but… opted to go ahead and start chemo since I was going to have a double mastectomy anyway. The biopsy would have delayed chemo by another month and we wanted to start fighting it…. They found atypia on the right side… and she told me it could be months or years… but the right breast would develop cancer, if it didn’t already have cancer – which we will know after surgery. 

This lump hurts. My left side didn’t hurt…. so I’m hoping it’s something funky and maybe not cancer. Although I’m not really very worried… because these babies are coming off anyway. I think if anything is concerning… it would be the fact that I may have developed another cancer during chemo. Which would mean… most likely it’s resistant to chemo. So that’s concerning… I don’t know if they will do anything different. I have 2 chemo’s left…. March 5 and 26th. There is a type of breast cancer that does cause pain… Inflammatory Breast Cancer, which is very aggressive… 

I go to my plastic surgeon tomorrow morning and then my surgical oncologist wants to see me in her office immediately following my plastic surgeon consult…. so I will update tomorrow… 

I have had such a level of peace lately… I have come to learn who is there to support and who truly loves me and I’m completely satisfied and have such a level of peace at this point in my journey.

I’ve come to such a level of acceptance in who I am…. I’m getting used to being bald. I’m comfortable in my skin… even with the bumps, wrinkles and puffiness…. ❤ I’ve come to accept that I may have to be flat chested if my breast reconstruction is not a good option for me… I walk around with my bald head flapping in the wind…. I don’t give it a second thought. If someone makes eye contact, I politely smile…. I get lots of head turns…. but it’s shocking, I get it… I’m not ashamed of having breast cancer. I’ve never worn my wigs… I’ve tried… they just bother me. I can’t get used to it….

Peace is just so comforting… acceptance brings peace. Acceptance of all things…. the direction my career may take, which is still very much unknown at this point… Acceptance that breast cancer doesn’t define who I am… it’s just another passing thing in my life. Acceptance of having to give up things I love….. I’m not angry, I’m not resentful…. I’m at peace with it all.

Peace is loving your life, loving the people in your life…. Peace to me is just sitting in the sunshine…. I found a quote that said… “If you’re always dreaming of being on vacation, make your every day life a happier place”.

I know so many people struggling with different things in their lives at this very moment…. I hope that this blog post finds them a level of peace… and acceptance. Re-group, re-prioritize and accept the cards you are dealt…. It’s not always easy… but it can be overcome!

I had my first consultation with my radiation oncologist today… I am praying that I won’t need radiation and that my dietary changes plus the chemo and surgery will remove all of my cancer… That’s the best case scenario… In this scenario, it would allow me to have immediate reconstruction without having the problem of radiated skin….. so I’ll be praying this is the outcome. But, I won’t know for sure until after my mastectomy…

My oncologist told me I have a 75% chance I will need radiation and 25% chance that I won’t…. If I do need radiation, it will be 33 treatments… Monday – Friday for 6.5 weeks…

Obviously… my main goal as my oncologist says… is survival. I will do whatever is necessary to survive. I have had a great response to chemo… which was not expected at all with the type of cancer that I have… I feel that my great response is due to everything I’m doing… I have made radical changes in my diet… and cutting out sugar I’m sure has been a huge contributor in my success with chemo…. So, if I need radiation… it is not the end of my world… BUT, I’d sure love it if I can avoid it….

For reconstruction purposes it makes such a difference if you don’t need radiation…. the difference is….  you can have immediate reconstruction at the time of the mastectomy….In my research, that means….a difference of night and day in the end result…. If I do need radiation…. I will have to wait 6-9 months most likely for reconstruction… it will mean 2 or more surgeries versus just 1…. and it will mean that there is a chance that the breasts will be rejected by the body due to the radiated skin….

So…. I will be hoping and praying…… 🙂 But… we’ll know more after my mastectomy… I will see my plastic surgeon on Friday of this week…. and I’ll update about what he suggests….

To any of my fellow chemo friends…. I’m doing TAC… and I have two more left….

A few new side effects…. I have an under eye twitch on my left side…. and it’s relentless, it’s been 3 weeks. I thought it was stress….. but it is not going away! It drives me nuts! It wakes me up sometimes! Please tell me this goes away!!!! I told my oncologist about it, he said there’s nothing you can do for it!

The other thing is my skin…. it’s SO wrinkly…. on my face, my legs, everywhere really… I have lost a lot of weight, granted…. BUT… my son told me today, my head is even wrinkly!!! 😦 I’ve been using straight coconut oil on my skin…. and a host of other things that people have brought me…. I’ve tried Emu Oil…. nothing seems to be helping! Please tell me this goes away??? After the chemo is out of my system… will my skin return to normal?