With All My Heart…

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I’ve never been known not to do something… and not give it everything that I have within me to give… Whether that’s being a mother, a photographer,  a wife, a daughter and a friend…. Once I decide that you are worthy of my heart, I give you my all…. I have decided to give myself the same worthiness…. for all of the above mentioned reasons…

When I found out I had cancer on November 14, 2013… my world literally felt like it would crumble in a million pieces. You do not know what to expect… You think of Cancer and you think of the very worst possible outcome. We discussed them actually…. There is this waiting period where you just don’t have the answers and your mind escapes you…. Once you have the answers you need to fight and cope with the news you were just devastated with it gives you the tools you need to fight… to regain perspective and to pull back those reigns and realize…. Ok, I can do this! 

I’m still very deep within my treatment… I’ve completed 5 out of 6 total Chemo treatments of TAC. It’s certainly not been easy…. but it’s not been horrific either… It’s tolerable. It’s like getting a really bad flu every few weeks… but you come out of it and you feel accomplished. You managed to get through another one and you have a reason to be proud. I still have quite a long road ahead of me…. I have a double mastectomy planned… I have 6 weeks of radiation ahead of me… and then quite a long recovery period before I can start rebuilding what I’ve painfully fought so hard to fight….

I’m the type of person that when I go into whatever project I’m doing… whatever life passion…. whatever, literally I have set in front of me…. I give it 125%. I’m not going to do something with half effort…. The same has gone for my health. When you read about breast cancer, the ways it spreads… etc… It can be very, very scary… I’ve scared myself quite a few times…. You learn of the bad outcomes but then you realize…. there are a heck of a lot more positive outcomes than the bad ones…. And you’ll hear it over and over and over and over….. Have a positive attitude… There are the people who are diagnosed with cancer and they instantly think they are given a life sentence… and then there are the people who take the information, empower themselves with knowledge and take every possible resource and use it to their advantage…. I would say that this is the route I have taken on this journey.

There are a million different things that people will come to you with to help you to fight this disease… and you need to find the ones that are doable for you…. and use those things. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs what I have done and I’ll outline briefly some of the things I have done in my daily diet to help me…. 1. Cut out sugar 2. Cut out red meat and pork 3. Drink alkaline water 4. Eat an alkaline diet… 5. Eat a gluten free diet (Cancer has been known to to thrive in a sugar fed body and an acidic body and by feeding it these things, which my diet was extremely rich in before… I’m preventing the cancer from growing and possibly even killing the cancer).

  • It’s so important to have a sense of humor and laugh at yourself…
  • Find blessings in the smallest of things…
  • Find out who your friends are…and cling to them because they will help you rise above all of this…
  • Regain perspective – the things that seemed so important before, suddenly…. are not important at all. (Don’t sweat the small things)
  • Enrich your relationships… take the time to say the things to the people you love, take the time to hug them….Do not hold back…
  • The changes your body will undergo are startling sometimes…. Some of the things I have experienced from chemo… besides the hair loss, extremely dry skin, watery eyes… rashes, wrinkles…. But, I’ve decided rather than to dwell on them…. I’ve decided to embrace them. I don’t hide my head unless it’s cold…. This is not something to be embarrassed of… it’s a part of my life right now and it’s a part that will eventually be in my past…
  • Look forward to our future…. Make a list of 10 things you want to do and make sure you can make them attainable… and do them… I created my living bucket list…. It really gives you something to look forward to….
  • And once I regain my strength…. EXERCISE!!!!

I have decided to love me, accept me with all my heart… just as I have done for the others in my life…. because it’s as important for me to be here for them… and I am fighting… so incredibly hard and will continue to fight this nasty disease…

They told me that my type of cancer may be affected by about 10% with chemo… and ultimately surgery and Tamoxifen would be the savior for the type of cancer I have….. I’m ER+/PR+/HER2- IDC, ILC – Stage 3A My tumor was once 6cm…. and I can still feel it, but it’s shrunk measurably… My oncologist is THRILLED at the result…. he’s giving all the praise and glory to chemo!

Not me…. Do I think chemo has helped… absolutely! But, I think that loving myself with all my heart and being so disciplined to do all the things above…. is ultimately as a package helping me succeed!

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