I needed to step back for a little bit, I have not blogged or been on Facebook for more than a couple minutes at a time. I have breast cancer and I’m fighting probably one of the largest battles in my life. In fighting this battle… some people really stepped forward for me and our family… Every single day, I expressed gratefulness and love and support. We are leaving the wedding industry… so my motivation was nothing other than friendship. Anyone who knows me, my close friends and family… KNOW me and know I’m genuine, loving, grateful and not demanding….  I’ve mentioned more than on 1 occasion that I had a very close circle of friends and that I was not one to get involved in the industry.. I occasionally attended functions… Anyone in the industry that we’ve worked with knows that we are extremely giving of images, etc… I think it’s very unfair that anyone is making unfair assumptions based off of tiny bits of information and hearsay regarding any of the parties involved…  I was sad that the event cancelled…. I have expressed NOTHING else publicly out of respect for everyone… In order to handle this with grace. We have been extremely blessed and it’s unfortunate that the fundraiser had to come to and end, but we are still blessed… we are not walking away empty handed… quite opposite… it was said at the beginning… “even if it’s a couple thousand, it’s better than nothing”… We were just grateful for the help.

There is absolutely no question that many people have stepped forward to help, but in this venture… I did not have a say… other than at the very beginning, I was told I could make requests… but beyond that, I didn’t have a say. It was felt that it was in my best interests and in order to avoid drama to be off of the sub site created for helping our family…. In doing this, I was unaware of anything being said…

I wanted nothing other than the fundraiser to happen, my intent wasn’t as focused as the members about making money, as silly as that sounds…it was a fundraiser.  I was thrilled to have people there who love and care about me and I wasn’t really in the loop, so I was unaware of just about every aspect of the event.  I just really hoped to be able to be there and going through this time, where I have chemo rash, I’m bald and I have puffy eyes….. that I’d hopefully look pretty…After all of the drama of it ending… and the comments I was told were being told to some of the key members, comments in general…. it was at that point that I asked if it would stop… (at the point that the online auction was being talked about)…. This was not because we were upset that the fundraiser was cancelled, it is purely because some aspects of this have been a source of stress and due to that… I asked for it to stop… I need to focus on healing, not because I’m being selfish… but my survival depends on it.

To ALL of the members involved… we have expressed nothing but gratefulness. Darrell and I really have to focus on our family, keeping a level of calm in our household… We just really ask that every aspect of this be dropped, put behind us…. and let’s all please move on. Let’s stop making comments of judgement, when clearly there is no way for anyone to have all of the facts in this situation…

Again, to every single person who has helped or touched our family in some way…. for those genuine efforts, we cannot possibly express enough thankfulness… Please do not ever, ever question our gratefulness…. For the money raised, for the money invested… groceries… jewelry… we cannot possibly express enough thankfulness…

Although I’ve been thanked over and over and over for this blog…. part of me regrets having told anybody about my cancer… part of me wishes I’d fought this battle quietly… Everyone deals with cancer differently and every single one of my emotions is real, valid and totally acceptable. Fighting cancer is hard enough…. chemo makes me very sick for at least a week or so…. We need to pick our battles, if that makes sense… and my battle needs to be about fighting cancer… I have decided to continue writing my blog, but  I will be stepping back from Facebook… My blog is my therapy, may way to express myself…. so there will be no updates to Facebook… so if you are genuinely interested in reading it… please make sure you follow it so you are notified of a new update… (others can feel free to post my blog if they would like, I just will not be posting it to Facebook).

Tracey came with me to chemo today… all went well… the same symptoms as usual…  I had a meeting with my doctor and he is feeling some softening in the tumor. He did tell me last visit it was 6cm and this time he is feeling some changes… we won’t know until my next tests which will be further down the line… Today I’m officially 1/2 way through chemo… 

Tracey, her Mom Millie and I have been having a great time catching up… a lot of laughing and goodness for my soul… it’s been very therapeutic…

Much love…

It’s a new day!!! Today my friend Sharon from Total Tranquility Salon has planned a little fundraiser… and I’m so excited!  Tomorrow my best friend Tracey from Nashville will be coming and spending 6 glorious days with me…. She’ll be here for my chemo too… 🙂 We will do lots of fun girl things…

I’m writing this for informational purposes only… in case anyone was planning to attend… Please do not show up at Magnolia Room in Rock Hill for my fundraiser on January 24th… it has been cancelled due to vendors that have decided to pull out.  I’ve been asked if it has been rescheduled. It has not been. I am grateful for those who have put a lot of hard work and preparation into this event. I’m of course, very sad… as are all who planned it…. Thank you to everyone who supported our family during this time…

This week upcoming…. it’s Chemo Week…. BOO!!!! Tracey and I will do lots of girls things together…. And absolutely nothing at all… and it will be amazing! Tuesday… we’re planning a day with Amelia… Wednesday night we’re having a girls dinner…. and then Thursday is chemo and we’ll probably just settle in and do a whole lot of nothing….. 

I will be having a check up with my Oncologist Surgeon on February 11th…. I imagine I’ll be having scans and MRI’s upcoming between now and the next chemo…. I think I’ll be meeting with a plastic surgeon as well, soon…. So, I will have some answers as to what’s happening with my body and chemo…. and how it’s responding. I’ll be curious if my lymph nodes have responded to the chemo at all…. since it does not appear my breast tumor has responded… that much, if at all? I’m so happy that I’ll be half way done with chemo after Thursday!!!!

I hope everyone has an amazing Sunday!!! ❤

Yesterday, I had 2 emails come in… and 3 cards were mailed to me….. They were of support and encouragement. One email was from a mother of the bride (past and upcoming.. they are sisters)… and one was from an old friend that I’ve never actually met, but have known for a long time via the internet…. Literally, the tears fell…. I was extremely emotional in the beginning of this journey… It’s to be expected… but, I had a good period where I had days… where I didn’t cry. I didn’t need to? Lately… the tears have been falling a lot, again….. Things just touch me so deeply. The kindness touches me so deeply…. Some of the things said to me are just so amazingly genuine and real and honest…. and it’s so wonderful to know that through my blog or through my words…. that people are moved. 

When all of this first began… literally there wasn’t a day that something amazing happened… From my friends doing amazing things for me…. packages were being delivered…. talk of this huge fundraiser coming up for our family…. when I went to lunch with a friend, I told her…. It’s just me… and I teared up and I’m tearing up again. I never expected cancer to happen….. ever. But, I never expected all of this goodness to come out of it either…. 

When you have something like cancer happen…. any major life event, really… It makes you analyze…. pick your battles…. and make amends….  There is no time for wasted energy on anything in the past…. and I truly, truly feel like love can overcome anything….  Sometimes, it means…. just saying “hey you know what… let’s just move past it” and focus on what’s really important….. and that’s living and loving.... I tend to be probably way too forgiving… it’s probably a fault at times.  But, when I love….. I love so deeply…. as those in my life who are “in love” with me…  know it’s just who I am. I may get mad… I may get angry… but I will eventually say I’m sorry or try to make it right ….  My husband, my family… my friends know this about me.

I expressed on Facebook the other day… my thankfulness for all of the kindness, generosity…. and pure love that has placed in my life. I am truly SO grateful for every single person who has taken time out of their busy lives and schedules….. to deliver our family hot meals…. The delivery of groceries and household items… and the planning that goes into all of that. This fundraiser coming up…. we never asked for any of it, it was just given to us… For some reason….  To all of those people involved…. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. You know how you are…. and as I write, this….. The tears fall…. again…… I love you all, very much.

It really makes me feel so good when ladies message me and tell me that they went and had their mammogram because of my story…. If any goodness comes out of this situation, it is awareness…. My best friend never had a mammogram. She was called back for more pictures…. she wasn’t at all nervous, she told me… seriously, what are the odds we could both have breast cancer! Fortunately, she got the all clear…. I know a special lady who hadn’t had a mammogram for 7 years… and she told me yesterday she went because of me…. Since I’ve found out I have breast cancer… I think I’ve had at least 5 friends let me know they have had a dear friend or family member diagnosed…. My friend Sharon is on her way as we speak, to have her mammogram…. praying for the “All Clear”…. 🙂 My situation is one of those that is just odd… My cancer was not detectable on mammogram. So, ladies… it’s really important that you also do self breast exams to make sure there are no changes…. I epic(ly) failed at self breast exams….. and what I did feel was probably cancer, but wasn’t detectable on mammogram….. Fortunately our bodies give us signs… we need to pay attention to them!

Click on this diagram….. to see the symptoms to pay attention to! http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/WarningSigns.html

In my blog the other day… I want to clarify one point. I absolutely LOVE talking to breast cancer patients….. but some stories don’t have the happiest outcomes…. and those are the stories that I’m trying to keep myself sheltered from. Anyone knows someone newly diagnosed…. or someone that had breast cancer… I ENCOURAGE you to put me in contact with those people…. I’d love to talk to them. It feels good to encourage someone. I have a friend who was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma… and she’s going through her first chemo and we chat daily…. and hopefully in some way being a couple chemo’s ahead… I can help in some way. That feels sooo good. Being a source of help, is amazing.

Also… I have mentioned a lot about how I’ve drastically changed my diet. When I was very newly diagnosed.. my husband and I of course did some research and we came across this one particular website… http://www.cancer-prevention.net/ and on that site… it said…. Cancer Strategy #3:  Acidic pH Levels Lead To Cancer… Normalizing pH Levels Can Stop Cancer In Its Tracks

So in that… I researched diet… and what it’s important to drink and not drink…. what’s important to eat and not eat… I found a couple of really helpful websites…. http://www.rense.com/1.mpicons/acidalka.htm and http://www.acidalkalinediet.com/Alkaline-Foods-Chart.htm – I thought I would share….

Cancer thrives in an acidic environment. And it cannot survive in an alkaline environment… I read somewhere and I can’t remember the resource… That NON cancer patients should eat a 60% alkaline and 40% acidic balanced diet…. and CANCER patients should eat a 80% alkaline and 20% acidic diet… I actually found a tracker on my Iphone aps… too, if you research alkaline diet….. That is so helpful so when you’re out and you don’t have the lists handy – you can quickly find out what the alkalinity of a food is….

I started eating this way and drinking Kangen water (alkaline water) right away when I found out I was diagnosed…. by the time I’d had my first treatment, I had already lost about 12 pounds…. I’ve lost quite a bit more since… but, it’s also from chemo…. It’s just a really healthy way to eat….

I stay away from…

Alcohol

I have one cup of coffee per day… (I can have a little acidic)

Red Meat & Pork

Gluten & Wheat

Sugar

Alcohol is really bad for not only acidity… but it causes estrogen to form in your body and so women with estrogen driven cancers should really stay away from alcohol. Does that mean I won’t indulge in a glass of wine every once in awhile… No. I will. I think you have to be balanced.

Sugar feeds cancer… it’s bad. I use a lot of stevia & agave nectar for sweetening my teas and baked goods…

I eat Ezekial bread.. it’s made from sprouted grains…. it’s really good toasted! I eat it every single day….

Coffee is highly acidic, but if you use Kangen water which is alkaline, it balances it out….

I’m a firm believer… that we are what we eat! And it can prevent not only the spread of cancer… but it can prevent new cancer from forming. We ALL have cancer cells in our bodies…. it’s a matter of whether they grow…I was the poster child of eating badly….. I was on the run, I ate out a lot… I ate a TON of sugar… Alcohol was my friend…. I was the poster child of Atkins for YEARS… red meat, bacon, processed foods…. artificial sweeteners… Diet soda….  it’s really no wonder…

I cannot tell you how many people have encouraged me to join support groups for breast cancer…. Probably 100’s by now.

I’m on a couple support groups via Facebook, I’m not actually physically part of a group. But I don’t know if I want to be…. Why?  Last week, a lady tried to commit suicide because she feels hopeless…her husband fortunately caught her and she is now hospitalized and being evaluated…  In the past day I’ve heard of 2 young mother’s who’ve died from it… way too young to die… in their 30’s.

I honestly don’t know if my heart can take it…. It’s good to have people you can relate to that are going through similar situations… or to know people who’ve survived and come out on top…. but I’ve said it before, for me…. I want to live in the denial that this disease will not take my life. I don’t know if I want to face the reality of the fact that it could kill me…. do I want to even worry about that being an option? I feel like I do not…. and cannot. I feel like I need to FOCUS ON SURVIVAL…  Is that selfish of me?? Maybe it is…

I’ve said it before…. I have this strong circle of friends who do not have cancer. I have a small group of friends who I remain in touch with who do have cancer… and we relate to each other, share our chemo war wounds… we talk about it privately between ourselves…. we laugh about chemo brain… which is a very sad reality and a definite problem while you’re on chemo…. And then I have this strong circle of friends who are healthy and committed to helping me stay positive. Doesn’t that make more sense? I know the statistics…. I’ve researched just about every aspect of this disease….

I am seriously considering doing something with what I have started here…. It’s Me Sunshine… Signed Your Boobs. I’m going to do something with this and make it very positive… after all of this is over. I want to be a source of support to those who need me… and be that person that is someone to look up to…. kicking cancer’s butt… But, while I’m going through it…. I just don’t know if I need or want to be part of a support group.

Literally just about every single day, I have someone put someone in touch with me that has cancer….. or had cancer. I ask them… what is the outcome? Anyone who knows me really well…. knows I worry. It’s bad enough that when you have cancer or have had cancer… That every little hang nail becomes this huge worry… until it’s justified… Ok, you’re fine. It’s constantly there and I’ve talked to MANY and unfortunately… that just never goes away. That’s the sad reality of having had cancer. I talked to my aunt last night. My aunt Patty had breast cancer…. it was caught early. Her re occurrence rate is 10%… Even that 10% is enough to make her worry…. That part sucks.. It’s so nice to laugh, have fun…. and forget about cancer. I seriously feel like it’s all I talk about…. all I post about…. I do. It’s my reality.

I want to focus on other things…. I want to focus on spring coming… planting some flowers….. maybe going to the beach… spending time with my family…. Enjoying my life.

I feel like cancer has given me and my husband a new perspective. I find my husband re-thinking things all the time…. He used to leave for work at 5 til 7… to beat traffic.  He came down Monday morning and said… I’m going to stay home til 7:20…. and sit in traffic, because then I get to spend more time with you…. otherwise I’m sitting at work… waiting to work… what’s the point in that?  I think my jaw dropped to the floor…. He and I are both anal about being early… when I worked a full time job, I did the same thing…

This past weekend, he needed an oil change… Usually Saturday morning… he’d be up and gone by 8am…. waiting to beat the rush for the oil change…. just in case people were lined up at the door…. ;0) He told me… I’m going to wait until you and Greyson lay down today for a nap….. so I don’t miss out on any time with you…. I think my neck spun around twice on that one…..

Then, he brought up… his car. He has a mid life crisis car ya’ll… I’m not even gonna lie. He wanted it…. we were in a position to have it… and I said, hey what the heck… and like all good things…  it’s run it’s course I guess…. He told me eventually when our situation gets better, he’d like to get a Jeep…. something we can all enjoy. I think my jaw HIT the floor on that one…. This will be a good little bit before this can happen, but…. you know, he’s re-thinking. It makes my heart smile.

And yes… baby… I’m taking notice… ❤ More than taking notice…

Cancer changes you…. when you can make it something positive….. it’s amazing. We needed amazing…. and we all need to be happy!! Every single one of us…. focus on what’s important!!!!

I hope that all my fellow Charlotte people are not in a funk this morning… The Panthers lost…. My husband sat and sulked all afternoon and must have said 15 times last night, I can’t believe they lost….

I managed to get a great selfie yesterday! Profile photo worthy!!!! 🙂

It was perfect timing to…. because my watery eye, runny nose, puffy eyes are back….. I took a photo last round… it looks exactly the same… The skin under my eyes have like a blistering effect…. Fortunately, I know that it goes away by the time the next round happens. So, I get a few great days…. then it’s a different problem. The joys of chemotherapy…. wait 5 minutes… a new symptom will appear!

I don’t really have much other to say today….. so I hope that everyone has a fantastic Monday!

I’ve felt physically pretty good this weekend…

A few days ago, I was informed on the recurrence of cancer and the 30% kinda shocked me… I had no idea that the recurrence of cancer in another form would be that high. To me, that is a staggering number… It does mean that there is a 70% chance that the cancer will not come back…. I’ve mentioned my diet and it appears that an alkaline diet DURING chemo is actually really helpful in the chemo phase…. so to anyone who is battling… not only for recurrence but also for aiding your chemo… it seems to be really helpful… Here’s a helpful link…. http://www.nutriclue.com/2013/06/chemotherapy-and-alkaline-diet.html

I’ve been doing some research, which I know can not always be good… but I’ve noticed that my tumor feels a bit firmer these past couple of days and maybe even seems a bit larger? Last week it felt a bit smaller and softer…. but my cancer is hormone fed and it does not appear that my reproductive system is shutting down like it should…. which means my cancer is being continually fed. I will have a scan mid way… which is after my 3rd treatment which is coming up shortly…. so we’ll find out how the cancer is responding to chemo. . . The other thing is my lymph nodes throb a lot… which worries me a bit, since there is lymph node involvement and we know this…. it can easily spread. I researched cancer spreading on chemo…. Because there are 3 weeks between treatments…. cancer can actually grow during chemo… I did not know this, either…. Cancer is very smart…

Stress has known to be a huge contributor to cancer… so it’s VERY important that I try to have no stress in my life, if at all possible….. I’m trying very hard to maintain as little stress as possible…. I found this excerpt from an article… Evidence from experimental studies does suggest that psychological stress can affect a tumor’s ability to grow and spread. For example, some studies have shown that when mice bearing human tumors were kept confined or isolated from other mice—conditions that increase stress—their tumors were more likely to grow and spread (metastasize). In one set of experiments, tumors transplanted into the mammary fat pads of mice had much higher rates of spread to the lungs and lymph nodes if the mice were chronically stressed than if the mice were not stressed. Studies in mice and in human cancer cells grown in the laboratory have found that the stress hormone norepinephrine, part of the body’s fight-or-flight response system, may promote angiogenesis and metastasis.

Right now my stage is between a 2B and a 3A… we won’t know for sure my exact stage until they perform my surgery and see how many lymph nodes and surrounding tissue/size of the tumor, etc…. are affected… I found these links that really explain staging well….. http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-cancer-stage-2 & http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-cancer-stage-3

I’ve been thinking about things that I can look forward to when this is all over…

1. Food tasting normal again

2. Having energy

3. My coffee tasting normal, this has made me so incredibly sad

4. My hair coming back .. the color/texture may be different

5. Going to the beach

6. Stressing less and living more

7. My reconstruction… <crossing my fingers it will take>

8. Spending more time with people that mean everything to me

9. Maintaining a fit lifestyle

10. Being cancer free

Today is the Panther’s game…. and in support of the Carolina Panthers…. Keep Pounding Boys!!!! Hope all my fellow Charlotte peeps have a great day of the 3 F’s…. Family, Friends & Football! #KeepPounding

I cannot tell you how GOOD it feels to wake up and feel pretty good!!!! Today is 8 days past chemo…. so ok, I’ll have an extra day each time of feeling like I’m crawling out of the darkest place on earth… before I see the sunshine again! I woke up thinking… hey maybe I should try my skinny jeans on… I’m literally at a weight that I don’t think I’ve ever seen, I think I skipped right over it in adolescence…. sure enough, my skinny jeans are too big!!! This isn’t really a good thing, because I still have 4 chemo’s left…. and so I’ll probably be wayy too thin… but apparently once I start Tamoxifen some of that weight should come back….. and hopefully my new lifestyle will support a newer, healthier me….

Last night, we went for a walk… Darrell said, you want to do what???? I said… let’s go for a walk… Gosh it felt so good to breathe different air that the stale air in the house… It felt so good just to be OUT of the house… Greyson enjoyed it a ton too! We went to the park and let him swing for awhile…. it was really nice.

So, although this week, I thought I was on the upswing…. I think it’s safe to say… now I’m on the upswing! I had high hopes of getting lots of work done… I did get some work done yesterday and I didn’t even take a nap! Progress! The day before… I literally slept all day long, it must be that one day before I start to feel better that is my lowest of lows…..

I always feel SO amazing when I start to feel better….

I just want to give a little shout out to my Momma… Darrell kinda takes all this stuff in stride and handles it as it comes. But, when my Mom sees me crying in pain…. and she can’t fix it, it just hurts her. Yesterday she came here and her eyes were puffy from crying…. It’s taking it’s toll on her… She said “I wished it were me… ” I’m so glad it’s NOT her….I don’t know if MY heart could take it…  I’ve said it before, I thank God above every day that it is me… and not someone I love….I love you Mom… let’s enjoy these next days before my next chemo and have some laughs and smiles….. Maybe we can do another girls day!!! Modified… without the crowds… 🙂 Mom doesn’t do internet, but she has her “smart phone” set to my blog so she can read it… 🙂 ❤

I’m a strong, determined person…. I’m aware of the risks of the cancer returning and I intend to make lifestyle changes that will be my golden ticket….. If that means never eating sugar, if that means never having a glass of wine… if that means never eating wheat….. I’m willing to do it!! I have so much to live for…. and I read over and over and over again…. and I know people who have had their cancer return… and they are living with incurable cancer….. I seriously cannot take that risk. I’m very confident with a strong positive outlook and strong, positive, healthy changes…. and a wealth of information….. that I can at least help that along!

I found this Tshirt on Pinterest….. I have to get one! Although I have no butt currently, I’m sure it will come back!!! lol

TGIF!!!!! I am actually looking forward to this weekend!

Love you all!

I thought my first chemo would be a great gauge for how I’d feel this time…. No Go…. I thought I’d feel better after 5 days and would be on the upswing. Not so much…. A friend reminded me yesterday, you have cancer remember? Oh yes… I forget sometimes…. I’m not weak. I’m a quick re bounder, I smile a lot…. I am a positive person most of the time… That is me. This is NOT me…. Feeling like a weak person…

As we rode to the doctor yesterday after I’d been up since 4:30am with pain in what I thought was my kidneys/back…. I apologized to my husband for being weak…. he explained I don’t need to apologize. This is not a cold, this is not something that you can gauge how your body will react…. this is chemo, a poison given to your body to kill cancer… but in the midst of it, it kills everything else too…. My doctor told me that he felt that my symptoms were part of the chemo or the Neulasta I’ve been given to expand white blood cells… I did not believe him… Test my urine anyway, I feel like I have pain into my kidneys…. He said, no you’re 1 in 4 people who experiences this deep set internal pain…. unfortunately… in his exact words…. “The regimen of chemo you are on, is very hard… it’s very hard and it’s going to continue to build in your system and get harder each time”…. GREAT!

Today is one week past chemo… and I literally feel so weak. I’m faint when I stand…. My taste buds are completely fried…. The nausea has subsided some…. but nothing tastes good… I’ve been eating some ice cream because it’s the only thing that actually tastes like it should. I found a list of symptoms that are caused from chemo…. What doesn’t chemo affect?? Literally… just about nothing is untouched in your body from chemo…. http://cancer.stanford.edu/information/cancerTreatment/methods/managing_effects/organs.html

I’m trying so hard to be positive and upbeat and just mind over matter….unfortunately, it seems my body has a different agenda…. I’m trying… and hopefully the symptoms will subside a bit…. they did the last time…. but there again, as it builds in my system… it appears that there is nothing you can really gauge…

I never expected chemo to be a cake walk….. but after last time, I was hopeful… Ok 5 bad days… and then I felt so amazingly good…. I was ready and raring to go….

1 week later after this past round, I’m sitting laying on a heating pad to ease the pain in my back and rotating ibuprofen 800mg every 4 hours and taking 1000mg of tylenol in between….

I wanted so badly to just get back into work…. yesterday, I literally slept alllll dayyyyy long. And, I slept through the night…. It doesn’t help that I’m completely house bound, everyone around me is sick… so no visitors…. and no change of scenery…. Oh how I wished it were summer and I could be sitting on a beach chair…. and relax that way….. seriously, I think I’d give a kidney…. to have cancer like the movies… where there’s a beach chair sitting on the horizon… and Mom’s just out there…. relaxing…. Ahhh, that sounds amazing.

My doctor asked me yesterday about my tumor… it’s changing. It’s seems to be softening…. so at least all of this is for a purpose…. at the very least, it’s changing the composition of the tumor…. they don’t expect for it to go away, but… shrink away my boobie enemy…. shrink!

12 days till my BFF comes to town…. I cannot wait!

So for today, I will remind myself…. that I’m limited…. and I’m fighting cancer…. and that’s the best I can do for this day…. hopefully tomorrow will bring a huge boost of energy….

And… this song is too cute not to share…. check your boobies…. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1427380354158159&set=vb.1422079948021533&type=2&theater

Love & Hugs…

Yesterday was a very discouraging day… I slept most of it away… It seems pretty much that day 5 is my worst day…. I’m feeling much better today! I’m going to try to get some work done today and focus on what needs to be focused on…. ❤

Today I’ll be culling through a wedding which hopefully I will complete so I can go onto edit and retouch…. and then I will attempt to create a boudoir book for one of my most favorite brides…. ❤

Some things to look forward to….

1. My BFF will be here in 14 days…. and I’ll be having a glam shoot later that day as well!

2. I’ll have a day of relaxation between her visit and chemo…. and a night of maybe dinner out… on the town!

3. My day of chemo on the 23rd… really not looking forward to that… but the fundraiser the following evening will be amazing…

It’s not always easy to smile… especially when you don’t feel well…. but all of this is part of the reality of cancer…. and although I try to be upbeat and happy *most* of the time…. I’m bound to have bad days…

Chemo is not easy…. and it seems each time it’s a little different how it hits you…. but, I’m really doing my best to take it like a champ….. and try not to dwell…. but focus on what needs to be focused on…

Thank you for hanging in there with me through it all… ❤

Thank you 🙂 My little photog Greyson took this for me…