It’s Radiation Day!

I’m all marked and ready to go! At 1:30 every day starting today I will have radiation until July….. From what I understand it can flare Lymphedema… it can cause a plethora of other things… but I’m trying to just completely avoid the thought of any of that…. and focus on what it’s doing, hopefully eradicating any residual cancer cells that may be floating around in there…. They say that radiation can make you very tired… some people it can make them nauseous… I don’t know how I’ll react yet. But, as long as the effects don’t come on until after this next weekend we are good…. We have two VERY long weddings this weekend… that I need to be a part of!

As it turns out, at weddings… I’ve been doing way more than I should or that I’m supposed to… and my arm hurts deep inside…  but, I just wear my sleeve and hope it helps! I find that when I’m there… I can’t help myself… I feel like my little Jack Russell dog…. looking out the window at squirrels… when it comes to weddings…. I just can’t help myself, that camera is just drawn to my hand… I’m not listening to my doctor…. but we have just a few more weddings to complete…

More than anything, radiation is just a pain because I have to go every single day…. and I have to go when I don’t have Greyson and that ends up being smack dab in the middle of the day…. so my brides, I pray I will not get off track with your edits….. I’m trying my very hardest to manage all this…..

Someone asked me what the machine looks like… it looks just like this….. That little arm comes over you and you have to lay perfectly still while it send radiation beams into you…. For me they are being extra cautious because they are trying to avoid damaging my heart….

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This will hopefully be over very soon…. I’ve heard that at this point, emotionally, physically….. exhaustion sets in… breakdowns occur…  But…. I plan to win this race! Pressing on….

 

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One thought on “It’s Radiation Day!

  1. Remember you are NOT alone! I am on #11 of 33 radiations and feel your pain. I know the deep down arm pain, the tiredness (which by the way is NOTHING compared to chemo tired), and the constant irritation with having to drop everything every single day of the week to go for a 15 minute treatment. I begin to think that my lungs will be clear of anything after all the breathing and breath holds you have to do and that I may have a career as a deep sea diver or a Navy Seal! I understand what it feels like to be laid on a hard bed every single day and twisted and pushed and moved until my tattoos are lined up with the lasers just perfectly so as not to damage my lungs or my heart. I also have heard that although radiation CAN damage your lung, it’s ONLY 20% and it’s a part of the lung I don’t use anyway…lol…RIGHT. When you are frustrated, feel like you can’t take another moment, feel tired and weak and sick of it all, I’m here. Sometimes….I will be so tired laying on the rads table that I close my eyes and think of how easy it would be to just give up….to just slip away and not have to deal with any of this mess anymore. Then I have to remind myself that I have a lot of living left to do, a little girl to watch grow up, graduate, get married and have my grandkids. As nice as it would be to just fall asleep forever, I will never get those moments back. We both know what we are fighting for, we both have a lot of living left. My inbox is always open when you want to vent, cry, scream, cuss, yell….whatever…because I understand completely, I am right there with you sister.

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