Today is 2 weeks until my boob removal…. I’ll be honest, I’m getting nervous. I’ve had a lot of emotions flowing through my heart lately…. It’s not that I’m all that attached to the set I have… but I’ve had them since I was like… well, 10-11 years old…. They’ve served their purpose, I suppose…. I don’t know what it is exactly that I’m worried about… the surgery maybe? Knowing the outcome of my cancer… what’s remains? I honestly do not know what’s making me nervous…. all of it maybe? Of course I’m excited to have expanders.. and maybe eventually have new boobs…. but you know I’d trade it all….. I’d trade it all and keep my ol’ body….. to have that sense of peace I once had…
I’ve been reading and reading and trying to make educated decisions about what route to take after surgery…. Not that there are a lot…. But, since my diet seems to have impacted my cancer in a huge way…. I’ve toyed with maybe forgoing the 10 year drug they are proposing…. I say toying lightly…. I’m really researching and trying to determine what’s the right decision. With that drug… Tamoxifen comes a really high risk of uterine cancer…. So do I have a hysterectomy? I’ll be talking with my doctor about all these things… tomorrow. Then there’s depression…. and it takes another drug to fix the outcome of the first….. when do you say NO? When is it enough? But then again, can I risk not taking it….. is there really a decision to be made? Or do you just take the risk and weigh the benefits… I’m not sure.
I have several people I’ve made friends with…. that have breast cancer. Once you have breast cancer… or cancer of any kind…. you realize that inner peace you had is no longer… I have a friend who’s having a CT scan on her head today…. because of persistent headaches… As much as you want to believe, hey… it’s just a headache…. there is NO peace, any longer. It may not be JUST a headache… BUT hopefully it is! I absolutely despise that any one of us who’s had cancer cannot have peace, that worry lingers….
2 weeks today…. it will be here before we know it!
Next week, I have some girl time planned…. with my Mom and BFF, we’re headed to the beach for a couple days thanks to my good buddy Mike Albert and Brad at Elite Training Academy who graciously gave back the prize so that we could use it…. ❤ Plus an amazing Girls Night Out this Sunday evening…. with some amazing friends who’ve been there for me through all of this! Next weekend I think my husband and I are going to celebrate our anniversary since the weekend of our anniversary I’ll still be laid up from surgery…. lots to look forward to…. time is going to go so fast! It has gone SO fast…. It’s hard to believe I completed 18 weeks of chemo…. I don’t mind if it slows down a little bit….