Today, everything is making me cry…. but for good reasons. I feel like this…. Cancer… has forever changed me… It’s opened my eyes to something I never really even gave a 2nd thought. This disease was something that affected OTHER people…. I honestly never feared it, I never thought it would happen to me…. (like other things I’ve experienced in my life). I feel like my spirituality is at a new level, I know…. why does it take for something bad to happen before you turn to God…. ? I felt like I had forsaken him…. No, actually I just got really busy. I told Darrell that I feel like I can feel the prayers… when I think about God… my heart feels a warmness…. I can’t leave my house, I’m basically house bound…. but, I’ve never felt so at peace, so content….
And, then I see things…. things I NEVER paid attention to…. women with breast cancer and other cancers. Fighting for their lives… but inspiring others. I watched a woman sing her heart out after undergoing her 8th chemo treatment yesterday…. she could barely breathe…. but, she wanted to sing Hero by Mariah Carey, to love and inspire other people. The tears…. just streamed down my cheeks…. Wow, just wow!
I was talking to a friend this morning and she said… there’s a reason that it’s me. I have a strong back bone, I have the ability to see the positive in a really bad situation… I’m not having a pity party, but just taking each day as it comes and in the midst of it all…. I’m meeting new people I’d never have met in my life…. I’m inspiring other women, connecting other women… who are battling this disease…. Maybe, she’s right? Out of this…. something positive is happening…. It’s making me appreciate everything. I appreciate my family…. I appreciate my husband… I appreciate my parents… I appreciate my Mother… I appreciate my friends….. I appreciate everything that everyone is doing for me… even the simplest of things to try to make this easier for me…. It’s amazing. Truly amazing. I’m paying attention to things I just didn’t take the time to see…. I watch my husband interact with our son…. He wakes up in the night while we’re up being silly… and takes the time to join us.. missing a little sleep… I’m really listening to my 4 year old and the things he says and does… and he’s just so freaking funny…. and says the cutest things and does some not so cute things, but he just can’t help but be cute….. I watch my older boys and how they interact with my husband and my 4 year old… and it just literally WARMS my heart….
In the midst of all the badness…. really bad things going on around everyone…. children taking their lives, friends losing long time friends… there has been a lot of death lately. I went to a funeral recently and I watched the people mourning and all I could think is…. “this cannot be my family, this cannot be my friends”…. Death although it doesn’t scare me…. it scares me how the people who love me would handle it…. so it makes me even MORE committed to improving my health… and doing whatever I can personally do to try to help this disease along… or actually stop it dead in it’s tracks….
I’ve been monitoring my tumor… it’s not getting smaller that I can tell…. but it’s also not getting larger. I wanted some miracle… like an instant reaction to chemo…. and see it like miraculously shrink…. It’s not. But… it’s not growing either…. and that’s a very good thing. I’ve changed my diet dramatically… I’ve been eating a highly alkaline diet to hopefully stop the cancer from growing…. and I received my blood tests and I’m quite impressed… so I thought I would share on my blog.
I posted to Facebook this morning…
I received my blood work…. I’ve been doing the alkaline diet for 1 month prior to my blood results…. which is basically gluten free, sugar free, lots of alkalizing foods and veggies… I do eat chicken and fish which is neutral…. (some, not a lot)…. I’d lost 12 pounds from doing it prior to chemo…
My total cholesterol… 107 (<200), triglycerides… 45 (<200) my HDL was actually low at 50 (>60) my LDL 48 (<100) I think that is quite impressive….
My whole focus and purpose has changed…. and it’s been so positive…amidst all the negative…. I just feel really happy. It’s such a good thing.
Also… I wanted to post something that has really helped this metallic copper taste in my mouth… Thanks to my friend Sharon….