So today I had my 1st oncologist appointment following chemo 9 days ago. It was a great appointment… My white blood cells are 4.9, which is actually a great number since above 4 is normal…. He said, while I was at my worst my numbers had probably really declined which was why I felt so terrible…. but they are bouncing back nicely… Which is amazing news. It means that I don’t have to stay so secluded… I need to be careful about where I go, but I don’t have to wear a mask…. I can leave the house. I drove for the first time yesterday… that felt VERY strange… He changed a few things in my medicine schedule… but otherwise, everything is perfect… and on track for the next chemo which is January 2….

So, this morning, I did my hair…. and put make up on…. and took a photo… because it will probably be the last photo you see of me with hair for awhile.

I asked my oncologist, what the likelihood my hair will fall out…. He said 100%. My lashes and eyebrows… he said may or may not go. It just depends…. So a friend had mentioned to me yesterday… ” YOU take control of your hair and not let the chemo/cancer determine when it comes out”….

I’ve decided to take control and not wait for my clumps to start falling out and be depressed about it….. Tomorrow at 2:30, I will officially be bald. My family will surround me…. and my step daughter will be here and so we’ll take a lot of photos…. I have debated, do I do it… or do I wait? I feel like… I want my family to all be here, I want to make it an event… and then I want to celebrate! So tomorrow evening, we’ll be celebrating with family…. I am a bit nervous… I’ve thought, but what If I’m the 1% that their hair doesn’t fall out…. I’ve been guaranteed, not with this regimen of TAC…. they’ve not see anyone who hasn’t lost their hair…

I’ve been able to get some work accomplished over the past few days…. and it truly saddens me. I don’t think anyone realizes how much I will miss photographing weddings. I truly makes my heart ache. It’s such an amazing sense of satisfaction and completion to be a part of such an amazing day. And… locally within the Charlotte Market, we’d made quite a name for a ourselves… something to truly be proud of…. also something truly to mourn. We’ve halted all advertising, we’ve liquidated our studio…. that part saddens me.

So, I’ve been thinking hard about what my career path will be… I don’t have to completely stop taking photos…. I just can’t hold 2 cameras on my shoulders for 10-12 hour days… and do the repeated motion, that could bring on lymphedema…..  Maybe fashion photography… maybe something different…. I’m not sure yet, what my path will be….

One thing I’ve been encouraged to do is to maybe publish my blog into a book…. In doing that, I thought maybe…. I could chronicle the lives of some breast cancer patients…. and then maybe do some glam sessions for them… so that for even a few hours, they can feel amazing….. So many things to consider…. and I’m hoping that maybe something will present itself to me… maybe something I’ve not even considered…

As I’ve said many, many times…. this has opened my eyes to see things I’ve never paid attention to… and I’m so new in this journey…. I’m sure I don’t even realize half of what is to come for me…..

I will post photos of my bald, beautiful head tomorrow… ❤