Chemo starts today…

It felt like so much time was going by…. waiting for all of this “real stuff” to begin…. Now looking back, it’s actually less than a month…. I’m glad I had a few “free weekends” before I had to jump right into this yucky stuff….

November 14th will forever be a day that will have new meaning to me…. The 14th’s aren’t my favorite…. I lost my baby girl on February 14th too… BOO!!!

Now December 11th will have a new meaning…. #Cancer sucks#…. I’ve never really understood how cancer affected someone close to me… I pray I never have to go through it with someone I love…. PRAY!!!!! Others in my family have gone through it… maybe I wasn’t aware… but I was not there for them…. how sad… I wished I had been…. Now I realize that it’s just a gammot of emotions. Grief, acceptance, anger and now survival… I’m in survival mode. I’ll do whatever I have to do, however sick I have to get…. to be here for my family and my children. I’ve mentioned it before… I’m very tough when it comes to pain and pushing through things…. so I feel like unless it really kicks my arse, I’ll be ok…. They say it’s like a fog… you are here, but you really aren’t…. And they’ve mentioned chemo brain…. I already have this problem… stopping mid sentence and going “what was I just saying?”… and everyone looks at me and goes… “I dunno”…. THAT should be interesting….

Last night… was an amazing night… after a not the greatest day….. I’m so thankful to Marc Defang for choosing me. We had a conversation last night…. He inspires me. He completely changed his career path after his own hardships and he’s doing amazing… and he’s a better person for it!!!! He’s a gentle and kind human being, I can tell just in my conversation with him…. I asked him why me? He said… he just felt he had to. Many of the people that have decided to hold my hand through this journey are complete strangers… people who hadn’t even known of me…. I guess beyond my work with photography…. people can see that more than anything within my life, I tried to be an honest person, a loving and loyal person… most of all if I had to describe myself…. I’m real…. There is no bull with me…. I joke around sometimes… but usually I’m pretty straight forward with my intentions, with my love and respect for you… if you deserve it. It amazes me….. that maybe people who don’t know me can see that. I’ve always looked at people’s eyes…. you can tell if people have kind eyes or distressed eyes… or disturbed eyes…. Ever see someone like that? And you watch your back… ? Don’t make eye contact!!! 😉

I feel there are so many people to thank… Lisa Walsh, Amelia Old, Katie O’Neal, Diane Esposito, Tille Bonney – Kerna, DeLayna Kenney McCallum, Lisa Gaddy, Pat Gaddy, Juliet Harless, Tracey Curry, Tess Laczo, Ines Arunguren (sp?), Sharon Williams, Andrea Owens, Kat Gedge, Brianna Horne, Marc Defang, Lingky Sugg, Scott Forbes, Ted Greve, Stacey Hunsucker, Brenda Graham, Theresa Staker, Jen Lane, Jamie Geiss, Rebecca Nagy, Dayna Robidoux (she donated her hair!!), {Amy Rayfield, Kristin Hagemann – donated their hair recently}, MY MOM!!, Gaye Pietrocola, Patty Daute, Darrell Gaddy… my hubs, Taylor Thielen… thank you for coming back home, Preston Thielen… thank you for never leaving… If I’ve forgotten you, I’m soooo sorry…. It’s so overwhelming the love and support I have received through this time… and my memory will probably not get better!

Brianna Horne… last night, you made us that video…. and your Dad and I just crumbled… the first time we watched…. we were crying so hard, we didn’t even see the last photo….. You are an amazing girl and I love you so much! The 2nd time we watched… we cried all over again, but noticed….. That was sooooo special!!!! ❤

Love you allllll soo much!!! Thank you Diane for organizing the fundraiser… I PRAY I can be there….thank you for trying to make this a little easier on our family…..

Many, many thanks to everyone…. for everything that has been done for us…. dinners, cards… gifts of money, gifts, gifts, gifts….. I am so blessed….. I’ve said several times… people are probably like.. “It’s just cancer”… people go through this all the time…. why all of this? Why all of this???? I don’t know….. I will not question it….. I joked last night, I said… what will I do when all these gifts and visits stop…. and Diane said… “You’ll have lots of new girlfriends”….. *tears falling down my face* Amazing. It truly is…. I think all the tears I have left… are cried out….. so today… I’m going to go upstairs and get myself ready…. I’d LOVE to wear my new shoes, but I just can’t do it…. they are so pretty, I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to wear them….. I’m going to put on my face…. and FIGHT LIKE A GIRL….

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE You All!!!

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