Long weekends are wonderful…. unless you’ve had a phone call at 4:30 on Friday that your surgical oncologist wants to see you back in their office…. after having a conversation with your oncologist…  I couldn’t get in until Wednesday… I imagine it means one of several things… 1. They want to change my treatment plan… 2. The oncologist saw something they didn’t… 3. My scans are in…  She said it wasn’t because of my scans… so it’s probably one of the first two…. and boy does that make me nervous. Last night, I was grumpy… mad at the world… The stages of grief are shock/despair/anger…. and I went into anger mode…. I know it’s not healthy… so the best thing I could do is go to bed.

3:15am – Greyson wakes up having a coughing fit…. We both got up and were trying to calm him down with breathing treaments, vicks, meds… he managed to get a few more hours in and now we’re all up….

Unfortunately, I was awoken by a really bad dream…. I  never have bad dreams… very, very rarely….

Today, we’ll be having a lazy day… for the most part. I need so badly to get caught up on some work. I’ve been trying…. but between visits, phone calls, appointments, texts, Facebook messages…. I’m not accomplishing much and it seems these days… I’d rather not work…. but I really have to! So hopefully I will get some stuff done today.

Tonight, my husband has planned a dinner… for me… with bunches of friends and family. He’s calling it  a Cancer Party…. but it’s really just dinner…. but it should be a lot of fun! Grammy will watch Greyson for a little bit… hopefully he has a better night tonight….  And, hopefully I can keep it together….I haven’t cried in a day or so…  Darrell wants me to have a good time before I start treatment…. if that’s my plan now. My thought is… maybe the Oncologist wants me to have surgery first? Then chemo? And radiation? What I don’t understand… is they told me on the phone that I have cancer… so I can’t imagine they can tell me anything as bad as that….

Anyway… there probably won’t be a lot to report on the weekend… and if there is… I’ll get back on…. but I plan to take this long weekend…. to just be…. and try to make some peace out of all of this….