Today at radiation… I was talking to them about Greyson and the time he spent at the NICU. We talked about how I blogged about him and I told them that it was therapy for me and I pumped… it was the one thing I could control and it really helped me to feel like I was doing SOMETHING. And, I gained a lot of friends… Moms who had babies when Greyson was supposed to be born… These people have been there for me then…. and also now, through my cancer.

During my cancer, I’ve blogged…. it’s been therapy for me. Some people keep quiet… some people talk through things… I’ve always been one to talk through things, it helps me… And, no different than what I went through with Greyson, I needed something to control…. so during this traumatic experience, I’ve focused on my diet and exercise. I need SOMETHING to make me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help in the situation. You feel so incredibly helpless… I assured my radiation nurses that it was not because I’m a control freak, but rather that I just needed a focus…. something to work on.

During my cancer journey… I’ve been through a lot, both physically and emotionally on so many levels…. and I’ve mourned, so many things… my hair, my breasts, my vanity, my eyelashes, my eyebrows and my career….. but I have gained so much too, perspective, strength and motivation.

So, as many of you know I’ve started a new job…. I am enjoying it so much. They really appreciate me and respect what I am doing for them. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this because having your own business… you receive kudos from brides… But my husband and I owned a business together and it’s hard to truly appreciate what the other does when you work together. We did… but not nearly like it is when you work for someone else. It’s given me a new focus…. I’m loving it!

We’re having an event… and truly the support shown to me…. the people willing to donate their services, etc… it’s truly heart warming. I’m so excited about my future, it’s given me an entirely new focus! I’m so blessed to have so many people who truly just want to see me happy and successful, knowing how much I’ve had to give up…. Truly, thank you to you all!

I’ve talked a lot about focus… ironic, I know…. But, I am truly focusing on the future…and nothing else.