It’s hard to believe… I have one month exactly until my bilateral mastectomy… My friend asked me yesterday if I’m nervous… I’m not “yet”… I haven’t thought about the realization of the surgery… at this point, nothing seems like it would be harder than chemo… but I’m sure it will be very hard in it’s own ways! I don’t know if I’m emotionally prepared for what is to come… Although, after chemo…. there’s not much left anyway…. so I don’t know that I’ll really miss em’ all that much! 

Friday I go for another visit with my plastic surgeon and I will find out if he’s going to give me tissue ex-panders at the time of my surgery…. I’m PRAYING he does… because that means that I won’t be flat chested for the next 9 months or so… He said he’d rapid fill them so that they’d be ready by the time I start radiation which will probably about 1 month after my surgery… He will also discuss the options that my surgical oncologist and his colleagues have come up for me…. A game plan… Where they’ll take the fat from. He did tell me that they’ll need to do a  CT scan to determine where I have fat on my body… Can you even imagine? Never in my life…. would I have thought they’d have to SEARCH for enough fat… lol Implants may be my only option, but on radiated skin they have a pretty high failure rate… 50/50 I believe… But, it appears that they are trying to do a DIEP flap type of surgery…. and although the recovery would be tough…. Hey, I’ve paid my time going through this and I’d like to have the body of my dreams after all this…. My tummy is pretty flat, so that really isn’t an option but below my butt… on the top of my thigh seemed to be a pretty good option for them….. The recovery for that will be BRUTAL, I won’t be able to sit and my front will be sore… so, although in theory it sounds good… the recovery will probably be pretty tough…. so we will see what they come up with… 

Most of all, I’m going to be so happy to be cancer free… hopefully! I hope they get clear margins! I hope that the chemo will have done it’s job with the lymph nodes…. and maybe I won’t need so many removed…. HOWEVER, I told my doctor…. remove whatever you have to because I DO NOT ever want to have to go through this again! I’ll baby my arms if I have to…. I’ll be careful not to bring on lymphedema as much as I can…. 

This time has gone really fast for me… I’ve managed to not go completely stir crazy… and the warm weather is coming…. Most of all, I’m so thankful to be done with chemo…. I cannot wait for HAIR!!!!! I cannot wait to see how it grows back, blonde, black, white, curly, straight…. My fingernails have been pretty sensitive lately… one of the side effects of taxotere (chemo) is that your fingernails can fall off…. well, they’ve been pretty sensitive lately. PRAYING that doesn’t happen…  Although I’ve lost some brows and lashes, they’re thin….. they’re not gone! PRAYING they don’t come out after chemo… that often happens too! I think that’s just a mean trick! lol

Thank you to those who still read…. ❤ I can’t wait to have my after chemo party… I’ve been talking to the girls who’ve remained by my side…. (ya’ll know who you are… shout out!) we’re talking maybe we’ll have a girls night out, instead…. that will be so much fun! Mom and I have a little mini beach trip planned… thanks to Mike Albert and his fundraiser he did a few weeks ago… the winner of the beach vacation turned it back in… so Mom and I are going to have a little break away before my surgery, but after my last chemo… It’s just a few days… but just enough to recharge our batteries! 🙂 

I found this online…. pretty awesome! I may need these!