Yesterday, I felt just awful… I was so worried… I had this feeling like something was in my lung, I felt weak… I could barely walk from one room to another without sitting down, I was getting the cold sweats… I have been just so weak. When I called my oncologist, they wanted me to go straight to the ER, they worried about a clot in my lung or somewhere…

My wonderful husband rushed to be by my side… once again… and on the way, we didn’t speak much… we were both really worried… but as I was looking out the window on the way there, I said… “I never worried about my health, I never had to…. now here I am worrying about life threatening things, like blood clots… ” He just said… “It’s going to be ok”…. We spent the majority of the day at the ER… and he sat there and held my hand and rubbed my neck and watch the monitor beep in my excitement of being rubbed… he told me to smile for the camera…. Well, they finally ordered a CT scan… and our fears were put to rest…. There was no clot and no signs of the cancer spreading…. That was amazing news… BUT, my neurophils were extremely, extremely low… which is basically part of the white blood cells… which are also very low… Which is typical during chemo, but I get Neulasta which causes my white blood cells to increase…. they were worried maybe I didn’t get the shot, but I did…. last Friday after chemo. My doctor warned me that chemo can actually cause Leukemia…. so I pray that this is a blip on the radar and that there is not something more substantial going on here….

I never had to worry before… I was healthy, I mean really healthy…. I had low blood pressure, low cholesterol… sure I might have been 10lbs overweight…. but overall I was healthy, I literally never worried about or for my health…. I worried more about my parents health than I ever worried about my own….

Cancer and chemo wreaks havoc on your body…. the things they give you, cause other things…. I have a port, which can cause blood clots… Neulasta can cause a myriad of things… but, it increases bone marrow… and increases white blood cells…. so in that process, I get pains all over… random pains in my back, in my ribs, in my shoulder blades in my knees…. You don’t know if it’s serious or if it’s not…. so they just watch it and see. I’m grateful I got the CT scan…. because one of my biggest concerns is that the cancer would spread… This will be a worry I will have for the rest of my life, most likely…. and that really, really, really sucks…. I will never have that peace and bliss about my health again….

I wish now, I’d have done some things differently…. maybe watched my sugars, exercised more, ate better, drank less alcohol…. I believe it would have helped… or prolonged my prognosis… We all have cancer cells in our bodies… but based upon our lifestyles, stress, our diet, our activity levels…. determines whether our bodies will combat the cells….

But, I can’t change any of that…. what I really want going forward… is health & happiness…. I’ve mentioned how cancer makes you re-prioritize so many things in your life… that it does… and I’m thankful for those changes…. it really gives you a new perspective…. your relationships are richer, your thoughts are clearer, your purpose is more defined…. Nothing else really matters, except living…. a full, rich, life…

I want my health…. I want to beat this cancer, I want to go on blissfully believing that it will not come back in my bones or my liver or my brain….. I will do my very best to make sure that I do everything in my power to assure that…. but, I will never have that peace again…. Those of you who are healthy….. ENJOY that peace… take charge of your health before you have to be constantly worried about it… It’s simple changes… these are in my opinion what I would do… not medical advice…

1. Do not take hormones of any kind

2. Exercise

3. Eat no refined sugars (except an occasional treat)

4. Eat no beef or pork

5. Eat lots of fresh veggies and salads, steamed veggies and lots of fresh fruits

6. Drink MORE WATER

7. Drink no alcohol (except an occasional glass of wine)

8. Implement more relaxation… alone time to reflect, massages, facials, etc…

9. Eat gluten free

10. Live a positive lifestyle

Today, I’m still weak…. but I think I may be better than yesterday… which is a step in the right direction…. It’s going to be beautiful in NC today… so I will try to breathe some of the fresh air, if it means I sit on the back patio for a few minutes…. By the way… I love you Darrell Gaddy, you look past my bald head and sullen eyes and manage to make me laugh and remember who I was before all of this… I sure hope you look forward to who I’ll be… I hope it’s 100 times better than I was before… I could not do this without you. You make me strong, even when I’m weak…. ❤