Welp… I lost an implant. I’m now completely off balance. Completely lopsided… and I’m struggling with it. It’s hard to dress. It’s hard to look at… I’d rather have no implants. I’d rather be completely flat chested. I will undergo the Diep Flap procedure once I’m healed… so it’s not a forever thing. But, if that doesn’t work. Both implants are coming out.
It’s not like I was ever attached to my boobs. But, you don’t realize how much your boobs make a differnce in what you wear. Filling out a shirt…. I know big boobed women, get it and flat chested women get it…. it’s just a struggle. It’s a game changer. But, how do you dress when you’re lopsided? I can’t wear a prosthesis just yet?
Today, I sat and looked in my closet…. and wondered, stripes? No pattern? I wonder what will look best? I tried 3 different tops on and none of them look right.
And, then I said… screw it. I’m wearing a tank top. If people look at me….. Oh well. And, that’s where I’m at…. It’s a recent issue. I’ve just decided not to talk about everything. I don’t know what’s gotten into me… I’m just being more guarded. Whoever said this was an easy battle….. screw you! It’s been a long, exhausting and tumultous road…. that honestly never seems to end. No evidence of disease, doesn’t mean that the other issues go away….
People say…. Oh, it doesn’t look that bad…. maybe it doesn’t. But to me…. It sure does. I find myself using my arms to protect myself, or my hands….
So, this is me…. lopsided lucy.
2 thoughts on “It’s Me… Lopsided Lucy”
I completely understand on all accounts. I wore a dress Sunday to church that I had bought pre cancer days. It looked horrible because it wouldn’t even stay up near my chest because my boobs are gone. I like my smaller size but I had to go in the bathroom and have a moment. Change is hard. I do like my diep flaps. I hope it goes well for you. Hang in there, sweet sister!
I can’t say I understand because I haven’t been where you are. I can only try and imagine and I’m not sure what I would do or how I would feel if I was in your situation. I can say this though. I love you! I love you for who you are. It’s ok to have bad days, and that’s certainly one good reason(or a few) but just remember good days are ahead. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Stay strong my friend and it’s ok to cry! Love ya!