So, I had my 3rd shot of Zoladex today. Chemically inducing menopause. Oh the joy…  I told my doctor today that the black cloud came over me about 3 weeks ago… I’ve been hyper sensitive to everything. My emotions are just extreme, no matter what they are…. He said, “everything you’ve been through has been hard on you, but this… is basically taking what happens during a 10 year span naturally and forcing your body into menopause in 2 months. We have to starve your body of estrogen or it will feed your cancer… so we have to stop it.  It’s difficult and it can affect your quality of life and we have to balance that… it affects sex, it affects sleep, it affects everything…. ” he suggested if I need an anti-depressant, we can discuss it. I am not ready for that… I feel like I manage it “ok”. Except for yesterday… both of my oldest boys have decided they want to move out. They are of age, but my middle son still in high school…  I did not take it well. It was something emotionally, I was not prepared for. Not both…. at once. I think I lost a bit of my mind yesterday. Unrecognizable, I told my doctor… It was a very, very bad day… He told me… “in less than a years time, you’ve had so much happen to you emotionally, physically, mentally…. some people don’t deal with all these things at all, much less in such a short time. He understands. I honestly feel like no one understands…. not those close to me, not those distant from me. but my doctor today…. empathized. It calmed me, I thanked him… feeling understood is an amazing thing. He wants to start Arimidex but he told me that he will give me a little more time to adjust to this medication first.

Secondly, I’ve developed capsular contracture around my left implant… caused by radiation. Basically the muscle and tissue is creating a capsule around it… and it’s pulling and lifting. My boobs are now very lopsided. Especially in the past week… Nothing can be done until surgery, which is January. But it’s uncomfortable… and it’s now very visible in my shirts. Google or Bing it… you’ll get an idea of what it looks like. I will spare you what mine look like…

I can’t wait for my visit to Wisconsin at the end of the month…. I desperately need a break…